Slap Happy
by Coolgirl87
Summary: A simple tournament match between Ganryu and Asuka Kazama turns wild when Lili Rochefort is thrown into the mix. Ganryu may have already won the battle by the time Lili shows up, but Lili's biggest wish is to defeat her rival and confess her love to the two respective parties, and she will go by any means to achieve her goal. Parodies the infamous Deadpool (game) slapping scene.


It is a stunning night in the breathtaking Aurora Australis, with the penguins and seals sliding, the aurora glaring, and CRACK! A large tear forms within the ice as a large-bodied, fierce "rikishi" sumo wrestler wearing nothing but a mawashi crashes to the ground with a big impact. He grunts, meanwhile above the sumo wrestler, a woman wearing a sports bra w/ zip-up jumpsuit and gauntlets can be seen taunting the sumo below.

"Man, you're too weak, Ganryu!" The woman declares with a chuckle. "Gee, how are you not cold wearing nothing but that?!"

"Tch..." the sumo, Ganryu, clenches. "Well, Miss. Kazama, the fire burning in my heart knows no limits! THIS IS FOR JULIA CHANG, MY LOVE!" a thunderous roar booms across the stage.

"My name is Asuka! I'll make sure you never forget it! Again with that wack talk about your love or whatever..." Asuka gives an eyeroll. "Let's just hurry up and get this over with, I'm freezing and I don't wanna be cold out here any longer."

Unfortunately for Asuka, the moment she locks her eyes back to Ganryu, she is immediately met by a Thrusting Uppercut which sends her flying in the air. As her body comes down, Ganryu executes a Sumo Hammer which she takes the full brunt of, crashing to the ground and creating more cracks within the ice. Ganryu looks down to see Asuka, laying senseless on the ground.

"Well well, Miss. Kazama, you are no longer cold out here, rather you're out cold here." Ganryu lets out a boisterous laugh. "Wait till' Julia hears that one..." Ganryu smugly states as he walks away into the nether distance.

A moment later, a tall, blonde-haired girl in a frilly, white dress with a red tie suddenly runs onto the scene that just took place. "I hope I'm not too late! Ganryu!? Lili is here for you! Where are you!?" A dismayed look etches on Lili's face as she notices the unconscious Asuka.

"Asuka was his opponent!? Oh no no no! I can't believe it! Both my love and my rival, fighting valiantly...and I get to conquer neither!?" Lili tears her hair in frustration. "I refuse to accept this! I shall fight you myself, Asuka! _I need to prove myself to Ganryu, wherever he may be._ "

Just then, a short girl wearing a bright orange qípáo with a pep-in-her-step skips over.

"Hai hai! Oi, you don't like like Jin at all! Uhh...sorry to interrupt but well, my name is Ling Xiaoyu and now i'm scheduled for a match here with none other than my future husband, Jin! I'm looking forward to this training!" Xiaoyu gleams a wide smile. "But you aren't him. So please leave! But congrats on your win, it seems!" Xiaoyu gives a peace sign.

" _Grr, Ganryu doesn't get to just steal my fight, steal my heart, and that's the end!_ " A determined face can be seen from Lili. "Sorry Xiaoyu, but this match is just beginning. If only Asuka would wake up..." Lili mutters as she walks over to Asuka then kneels to her face.

"Oh Asuk-y, time to wake up!" Lili gleams with an evil grin.

*SLAP*

"Rise and shine, lady!"

*SLAP*

"Wake up!"

*SLAP*

"Up and at 'em!"

*SLAP*

"Fine then. That's for all the blonde jokes!"

*SLAP*

"That's for never calling just to say hi!"

*SLAP*

"That's cause I get aroused when I slap people!" Lili chuckles with a blush as Xiaoyu's eyes go wide.

*SLAP*

"That's for all the furry Rogers in the world!"

*SLAP*

"That's because I feel like it!"

*SLAP*

"Why!"

*SLAP*

"Won't!"

*SLAP*

"You!"

*SLAP*

"Wake!"

*SLAP*

"Up?!"

*SLAP*

"Wake up!" Lili yells as Xiaoyu can't help but cringe.

*SLAP*

"That's cause the player keeps mashing the button!" yells Lili as Xiaoyu stares quizzically.

*SLAP*

"That's because I like slapping Asuk-y things with this hand!" Xiaoyu slowly nods.

*SLAP*

"That's for being in one extra tournament than me!"

*SLAP*

"That's for making me hate you!"

*SLAP*

"That's for making me love you!" " _Uhh, what the heck am I watching..._ " Xiaoyu ponders.

*SLAP*

"That's for never taking us to the top!"

*SLAP*

"That's for losing early!"

*SLAP*

"That's for being short!"

*SLAP*

"That's for jabbing me in the heart...literally."

*SLAP*

"That's for never letting me ride your bicycle except for when I crashed it!"

*SLAP*

"That's for being the worst partner in tournament history!"

*SLAP*

"That's because I want to see if I will keep doing this!"

*SLAP*

"That's for you Ganryu, I know you're somewhere out there. Please call me! ;)"

*SLAP*

"That's for being a total loser!"

*SLAP*

"That's for never executing the finishes!"

*SLAP*

"That's for last years Marching Top gift! Who wants a red top?!"

*SLAP*

"And finally! That's because the whole thing just added five minutes to the most awesome tournament ever devised by Kazama or Mishima!" Lili's voice booms brighter than the Aurora. After a moment of heavy panting with deep breaths, Lili stares blankly at the unconscious Asuka, now with bruised, red cheeks.

"I guess she's not waking up." Lili gets up off Asuka with a shrug.

"No...but I think she's going to feel that for a loooooong time..." Xiaoyu sweat drops.

"I agree." a familiar voice to Lili's ears is heard from behind. Lili turns around and her smile immediately grows wide as she sprints over.

"Oh my goodness, Ganryu!" Lili runs to Ganryu and gives him a hug. "You came back! But, you already won, did you not?" Lili inquires.

"Ahh, well I got lost. It's kinda hard making your way out of the middle of nowhere. They really need a map around here..." an irked Ganryu says.

Xiaoyu slowly walks up to Lili. "Remember all that stuff you said?" Xiaoyu proceeds to wink-wink-nudge-nudge Lili with a grin, as Lili chastizises her and shoos her away.

"Why, I didn't say anything!" Lili grimaces with a nervous chuckle. "So, how much of that did you hear?...ahah..."

"I just arrived now, I take it you're a friend of my fallen opponent over there." Ganryu gestures to Asuka.

"Well, one could say we have history together." Lili chuckles.

"Ah. Well, I apologize for her defeat. I could try to wake her up." states Ganryu.

"No, no, no! It's truly fine, really!" Lili blushes a little inside. "You fight with such elegance, you deserved your victory over her! It's okay." blabbers an awestruck Lili.

"Heh, I appreciate your kind words." Ganryu smiles. "You have, in fact, showed great determination and spirit in your resolve to wake Miss. Kazama up. Y'know, the reason I joined this tournament was to find a special someone close to me, seeing you has driven my resolve." Ganryu gleams with a smile as Lili's face is deep red in blushing.

"Oh my, Ganryu...Seeing you drives my resolve, too." Lili's face is over the moon.

Seconds seems like hours for Lili as she takes a step toward Ganryu, as he explains more about his quest. During this time, a few hundred meters or so from the two, Asuka's eyes begin to crack open as she lets out a loud groan.

"Ouhhh...my aching head..." Asuka groans in pain as she places a hand on her cheek, and immediately pulls it away. "Wha?! What the heck happened...?" Asuka wonders with big grimace.

"You _really_ don't wanna know..." pops-up Xiaoyu with a grin.

"Wh-where'd you come from?! It's freezing out here, yet my cheeks are burning..." a puzzled Asuka exclaims.

"Yeah yeah yeah whatever, you're kinda interrupting a moment here..." Xiaoyu gestures to Lili and Ganryu, looking to each other with grand joy. "So, could you please keep it down?" Xiaoyu asks.

"Huh? Oye, don't tell me what to do!" Asuka she slowly gets up from the ice. "I will confront those two about what happened." a fuming Asuka states.

At that moment, Asuka's head is met by a sudden Cloud Kick from Xiaoyu, sending Asuka flopping unconscious onto the ground once more.

"Hmph, I ain't lettin' yah get in the way of true love! Maybe you'll wake up with a fresh set of manners next time..." Xiaoyu tsk-tsks at the fallen Asuka.

"What was that?" Ganryu yells out from the distance.

"Oh...just one of the penguins!" Xiaoyu smiles sheepishly.

"Ahh, well, where was I?" Ganryu ponders. "Oh yea, the subject of my quest...the one i'm doing this all for!" Ganryu exclaims.

"I was hoping to find you too, Ganryu. Your smooth, suave eyebrows... Ganryu, I love y-" Lili is interrupted.

"The one and only, JULIA CHANG!" Ganryu roars in delight.

Lili's heart immediately sank to the floor along with her smile. "Oh." is all she could mutter.

"Huh? Is something the matter...?" Ganryu quizzicially asks.

"Nope, nope, no matter." Lili's disappointment is obvious. "Good luck on your journey."

"Thank you!" Ganryu gleams a smile. "Likewise!" Ganryu turns to walk away, as Xiaoyu walks towards Lili and puts her arm on Lili's shoulder.

"I feel so sorry for you!" Xiaoyu exclaims in sadness. "Sorry it didn't work out!"

"Whatever, it's fine." Lili rolls her eyes, but then sighs in resignation. "It just wasn't meant to be, it seems."

"Plenty of fish in the sea!" Xiaoyu smiles. "Sucks that we're on ice, though!" Xiaoyu chuckles.

"I just want him to be happy. It's fine." Lili's smile begins to gradually pick up.

The two girls nod as two men appear from the distance, walking towards them from opposite directions. One is dressed-to-the-nines in a jacket with a flame design, none other than fighter Jin Kazama.

"Jin!" Xiaoyu screams in delight as she sprints to him.

"Xiao." Jin smiles.

"Huh...Ganryu?" Lili stands gobsmacked.

The other man is Ganryu indeed, walking towards the group.

"I just can't find my way outta here." Ganryu flusters.

"Time for our sparring session, Jinnnn!" Xiaoyu shouts in glee.

"Let us battle." Jin nods. "But first, we must remove that woman out of the way." Jin points to Asuka.

"True that! Grrr..." Xiaoyu growls at Asuka.

"Don't suppose you're up to train too, Ganryu?" Lili smiles.

"Hm, i'm not sure. I did already have a hefty battle with Miss Kazama." Ganryu states.

"It'll be nothing serious, just a bit of fun!" says Lili.

"I guess I cannot refuse." Ganryu nods.

"Wake up already, woman!" yells Xiaoyu towards Asuka.

"Hey, hey. At least Miss Kazama is no longer cold out here, rather she's out cold here." Ganryu lets out a boisterous laugh once again.

A passage of time passes.

The next moment, Ganryu lays unconscious on Lili's laps, as she sits with her legs out while slightly stroking Ganryu's face with her hand.

"You have a strapping face, but your jokes are atrocious aren't they?" Lili grins.

Lili lets out long laughs of joy as Xiaoyu straddles the senseless Asuka while slapping her repeatedly.

"What even is this...?" Jin facepalms.


End file.
